used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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