I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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