He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
