they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
