It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
