As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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