i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize