Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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