I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
