I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
