Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it's great music for shaving your balls
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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