i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
