can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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