First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
