I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
