her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
