Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
