I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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