this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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