I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
