Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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