Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Buhtt sex?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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