Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
