Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
