I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize