I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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