forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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