What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm at about main and main street
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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