For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
