she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
