3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
