mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
