That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
