I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
