before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
