I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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