Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize