did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
