Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
