I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
