Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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