speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Life is so much better after having sex.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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