I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
