what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
