laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
