just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
