he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
