My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize