Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
