Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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