Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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