i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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