Apparently you make a good broom.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
