Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
