New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
