We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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