If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
