just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
BRING THE BAGELS
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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