sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
