Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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