i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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