We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize