just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
