Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
