I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
