Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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