Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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