i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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