His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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