Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
