fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
