dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
