I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
