So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
