think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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