"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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