Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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